


The New Hire

by nagi_schwarz



Series: Juris Imprudence [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 16:58:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6292522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the comment_fic prompt: Stargate Multiverse, Any, law firm AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The New Hire

John stared at the file in front of him, but the words and numbers were swimming. He was a tax guy, but he was good at numbers, so until they filled the spot Ford had left as the bankruptcy guy, he was doing bankruptcy. Luckily for John, Ford had left right before the firm got landed with the biggest personal bankruptcy they'd ever seen: assets totaling over thirteen million dollars. 

It wasn't the math that was giving John the headache. It was the people. The insurance company, precisely. The clients had filed an insurance claim while the bankruptcy was pending, and the insurance company was resisting paying out because the proceeds would go straight to the bankruptcy estate. Insurance defense lawyers were a special reprehensible breed, but Acastus Kolya took the cake.

John wanted to shoot him.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I really need some –"

"Coffee, sir." Lorne appeared at his elbow with a mug of coffee and a stack of files.

John accepted the coffee and took a big gulp. Just how he liked it, black with only the faintest hint of cream. "Thanks, Lorne." The man was a god-send. Like John, he'd once served in the USAF. John shuddered to think how efficient a war zone must have been with Lorne running it.

"Also the final numbers on the Lantash estate," Lorne said, levering the stack of files onto the only empty corner of John's desk.

The stack had to be at least six inches high. It was only ten o'clock in the morning.

"Lorne," John said, "I only assigned you those yesterday at 4 PM."

"You did, sir." Lorne produced a carafe of coffee from seemingly nowhere (how many hands did the man have?) and poured John a refill. "You also requested that I have them on your desk at 10 AM."

John blinked. "I did?" That must have taken Lorne all night. He eyed his paralegal. There were no shadows around his eyes, and his shirt was perfectly pressed. He looked stellar, as always.

"Rather stridently, sir."

"I...don't remember that." John felt bad, but his sneaking suspicion that Lorne was actually a robot ratcheted up a notch.

"So it would appear." Lorne leaned in and lowered his voice. "If I may say so, sir, the new patent attorney, Rodney McKay, is an intelligent and attractive man –"

John choked on his coffee. "Lorne!"

"And ever since your divorce from She Who Must Not Be Named –"

"We've been divorced for over five years! And did you just make a Harry Potter reference?"

"No, sir," Lorne said. There were golden snitches on his tie. He continued as if John had never spoken. "You have been very...focused on your work. With Mr. Ford's abrupt departure, you've been even more stressed out, and you need to make sure you maintain an appropriate work-life balance."

"An appropriate work-life balance means you people at work staying out of my life," John said.

Lorne dipped his chin, looking appropriately chastened, but John swore the man was radiating smugness. "Of course, sir. Let me know if you need anything further."

John waved a dismissive hand. "I'm good for now, Lorne. Excellent work, as always. And really, thanks for the coffee."

"Just doing my job, Mr. Sheppard." Lorne never called people by their first names. How long had he been in the Air Force? Because he wasn't much younger than John. He turned and headed for the door.

"Actually –"

Lorne paused.

John had been up at the state capital at the federal court for a week doing signings with the US Trustee's office and hadn't met the new hire yet. O'Neill had insisted that with Sam as their patent litigator, they didn't need an actual patent attorney, because she'd passed the patent bar, but both Woolsey and Weir had gone to bat for this Rodney McKay guy, and over both O'Neill and Sam's objections (apparently one time he'd called Sam a 'dumb blonde' and lived to tell the tale), McKay had been hired.

"When you say McKay is attractive –"

Lorne spun around and deposited a file on John's desk, on top of the numbers that had been making his head spin. "I've compiled a series of his best photos from the age of sixteen on up, along with his CV and a list of his known activities, hobbies, and skills. I think you'll find the calendar he posed for quite pleasing, sir."

John stared at the innocuous manila folder labeled _McKay, M. Rodney_ , and was afraid to open it. "Lorne, do you ever sleep?"

Lorne blinked at him, all big blue eyes and boy-next-door earnestness. "Sleep? What's that?" And he was out the door before John could suss out whether or not he was kidding, because seriously, _robot_. But a damn good paralegal.

John darted a nervous glance at his open office door and wondered whether or not he should shut it. No, that would look too weird, especially since he'd told Cam and Daniel that he was just planning on doing some paperwork today to recover from his time in the city crowds up north.

He took a deep breath and opened the file.

As it turned out, M. Rodney McKay was actually Meredith Rodney McKay and had, in addition to his JD from Harvard, earned two PhDs in physics and engineering from MIT by the time he was twenty-two. The man was a genius. And if the photo on his CV was recent, he was more than attractive, with a strong jaw and bright blue eyes. John flipped through the rest of the contents of the file, because he was curious, and he had been lonely, and maybe he had been unintentionally taking it out on Lorne, but knowing all this about a coworker was downright creepy.

And then he spotted the picture of the cranky-looking Cupid flipping off the camera, and he decided maybe Lorne wasn't entirely off-base. He should at least say hi to the new guy.

A shout echoed across the office. "Don't touch that! Do you want to get us all killed?"

John didn't recognize the man's voice right off the bat, but he did recognize the woman who replied. Sam.

"It's inert, Rodney, it's not going to blow up the office."

John scooted out of his chair and poked his head out the door, saw Cam and Daniel doing the same. The three of them shared a look, and Daniel immediately went to take the lead. Though his emphasis was in juvenile law, he was a skilled negotiator and mediator. John and Cam followed him to the scene of strife. Teyla was already there.

Rodney McKay was damn fine when he was all fired up, but Sam looked ready to kill him.

Teyla raised her hands in a placating gesture, but Rodney and Sam were almost nose-to-nose, and they looked seconds from throwing punches. Despite Rodney's broad shoulders, John would have put his money on Sam, because he'd seen her in hand-to-hand, and she was terrifying.

Ronon waded between them and plucked them apart, gripping both of them by the napes of their necks like they were misbehaving puppies. Sam sighed and acquiesced. Rodney squawked indignantly and struggled.

"Who is this Wookie? Let me go!"

"A Star Wars reference," Teal'c said, and right, they were beside the investigators' cubicles. "I approve."

Vala beamed and waved. "Welcome to the office."

John had the sense that his comfortable, ordered world had just come apart at the seams. Behind Vala, Lorne was smirking.

So John stepped forward. "Hi! I'm John Sheppard. Nice to meet you."

Rodney shook his hand, and their eyes met, and John thought, _Yeah. I'm in trouble._


End file.
